Further details have emerged of the plot for a potential Lethal Weapon 5, with a story seemingly based around Danny Glover’s Roger Murtaugh being really quite constipated.
“Murtaugh, he’s a pretty old guy now. You know, he’s been a week or two away from retirement for over thirty years now and like any old guy, his bowels don’t work as well as they used to,” explained producer Stewart James.
“He literally is now ‘too old for this s**t.’”
However, in a dramatic twist, it’s not just Murtaugh who is too old for this s**t.
“No, I think that’s what’s going to make this such an interesting picture. Mel is 65, so Martin Riggs is 65. Now, okay, that’s not terribly old, but it’s old enough that you can find yourself regularly having difficulties with a bowel movement, so actually, in this film, both Murtaugh and Riggs are actually too old for this s**t,” continued Stewart.
However, over the course of the series, the films have become about so much more than just Riggs and Murtaugh.
“We got a great scene. It’s early one morning. Murtaugh is in the precinct, sat on the toilet, he’s finished the paper but nothing’s really happened bowel-wise and he just quietly says ‘I’m too old for this s**t,’ then the camera pans along and there’s Riggs in the next stall and he says ‘I’m too old for this s**t,’ and then the camera keeps panning and there’s Leo! And he’s an old guy too, so he goes ‘I’m too old for this s**t.’ The camera keeps moving, and there’s Chris Rock, Rene Russo and the ghost of Patsy Kensit and they’ll all on the toilet, and they’re all ‘too old for this s**t’ – it’s hilarious, and it really sets up what this film is really about.”
Lethal Weapon 5: Literally Everyone is Too Old for This S**t is currently in development, but could go into production as early as next year.
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Super Mario faces criticism after revelation that he doesn’t have basic plumbing qualifications
Well-loved plumber and hero of Mushroom kingdom Super Mario today faced criticism following the revelation that he doesn’t hold the most rudimentary of plumbing qualifications.
“I would expect most plumbers, in this day and age, to at least hold an NVQ in domestic plumbing and heating,” said Bob Niro, a Professor of plumbing at Oxford University.
“Put it this way. If this Super Mario bloke came to my house to service my boiler and he told me he didn’t even have a DPH NVQ, I’d send him on his way.
“It’s just not worth the risk.”
After going into hiding for almost a day, the moustached megastar emerged to face the press.
“It’s-a me, Mario,” he said.
He then faced a barrage of questions, to which he responded with a nervous ‘oooo, Mama Mia.’
After failing to answer accusations that he was unqualified for his job he simply shouted ‘Let’s-a go’ and ran off, pausing only to stomp on a little mushroom guy who really didn’t look like he deserved that sort of treatment.
Professor Niro was adamant in his advice for parents who maybe concerned that their children are playing Super Mario games.
“Throw them away,” he said, presumably referring to the games rather than the children.
“You don’t want your kids growing up thinking it’s okay to perform plumbing jobs without basic qualification.
“It’s just not a world we want to live in.”
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