Jurassic World 2’s on-set bloodbath blamed on ‘unqualified animal handlers’

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Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom’s horrific on-set bloodbath has been blamed on ‘unqualified animal handlers’ say the production studio.

Director J.A. Bayona demanded that the entire cast went ‘method’ for the blockbuster and thus recruited scientists to genetically engineer real life dinosaurs for ‘realism’.

The dinosaurs were then trained by animal handlers who had previously looked after circus animals but were found to have contravened Health and Safety protocols after it came to light they’d never before handled big-assed reptiles from 200 million years ago.

Through an interpreter, severely mauled handler Duane Goggins, painfully mumbled, “This was a bit different from my previous jobs, where I had vast experience of dealing with some quite angry animals and was able to keep them in line.

“However, this set turned out to be very different from Pets At Home.

“In retrospect, I think hitting the T-Rex with a whip narked him off rather than got him to ‘Sit!’

“Barbara Woodhouse has a lot to answer for.”

Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom will be released in June with a note in the credits stating that ‘Some handlers were hurt during the making of this feature.’

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