Hungover Chiwetel Ejiofor wakes to discover he is in Venom 3

A profoundly hungover Chiwetel Ejiofor has woken up with little memory of the night before and a lead role in the latest film in the Venom franchise.

It is understood that he popped out for a quick pint at lunchtime, but one thing led to another and he was out until closing time.

“It’s all a little embarrassing,” admitted a sheepish Ejiofor.

“I woke up this morning in a bed filled with kebab and chips, my trousers were up the tree in the front garden, and I’d signed a contract to take a lead role in the new Venom film.

“What the hell had I been drinking?”

The admission provides the only reasonable explanation to why Mr Ejiofor, who was Oscar nominated for his role in modern classic 12 Years a Slave would find himself in a sequel to films widely considered to be, at best, bloody awful.

“Christ, I think there was also karaoke at some point as well,” continued a mortified Ejiofor.

“I’ve just got this sort of vague impression of being on a stage and doing that Brotherhood of Man song Save all your Kisses for Me.

“What a night, Brotherhood of Man and agreeing to be in a Venom sequel.

“That does it. I’m never drinking again.”