Following the collapse in popularity of last year’s Pokemon Go game, there has been a huge surge in numbers of wild pokemon, which is creating a significant problem in some areas of the country.
The wild pokemon are emptying bins across the streets, digging up plants, chewing on hosepipes, stealing cars, hogging the slide in the park, hacking into Wi-Fi, and keeping Ed Sheeran in the charts.
“That’s not the bloody half of it,” said Chlemsford man Barry Winslet.
“There’s a couple of stray Charmanders going at it with each other behind my shed every night. Every bloody night. They don’t half make a bloody racket, I can tell you.”
“Someone should do something, but they won’t though, they never bloody do.”
There are concerns that unless the problem is addressed, the population of wild pokemon could reach epidemic levels.
“There’s loads of pokemon and unless you catch them then they just run about doing stuff and they’re brilliant,” said leading pokemon expert Billy Smith, 9.
Mr Smith painted a terrifying picture of a future Britain overrun with pokemon.
“They’d be in the grass and in the trees and in the sea and in your bedroom and if you sat on the toilet then they’d come up the toilet and they’d get you on your bum.”
The Government has indicated that it will be prepared to step in.
“I am aware of the problem of wild pokemon and, as such, will be putting together a special wild pokemon task force to address the situation,” said Prime Minister Theresa May
“After all, it can’t make me look any stupider than I currently do.”
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