Hey you. It’s the weekend. A perfect time to complete ignore that massive list of stuff to do you’ve got and sit about in your pants eating biscuits and watching films.
Here’s some movies you may end up watching because you can’t be arsed finding the remote.
Friday
Ant-Man BBC1 20.10
Man is imbued with the power of an ant, so can carry some quite big leaves and ruin picnics. Uses powers to fight crime somehow.
Terminator 2: Judgement Day ITV4 21.00
Arnie travels back in time to beat up a special effect, blow everything up, and listen to Guns and Roses.
The Football All Channels Constantly
The continuing adventures of men doing tremendously impressive things with their balls
Saturday
Casablanca BBC2 16.50
Hapless pub owner fails to pull ex.
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol Channel 4 22.10
Follow up to Mission: Impossible – Vampire Protocol. Soon to be followed up by Mission: Impossible – Zombie Protocol.
What Women Want 5* 16.05
Mel Gibson gains a magic power to listen in on women’s thoughts and find out what they really want so then, presumably, spends the rest of the film leaving them all alone to get on with their lives.
Sunday
Appointment with Death Channel 5 17.00
I’d probably skip that appointment, or at least turn up late
Die Hard with a Vengeance ITV4 22.10
Bruce Willis solves a variety of brain-teasers whilst being grumpy and shouting at Samuel L Jackson who, in fairness, shouts back a lot.
Crocodile Dundee E4 19.10
Paul Hogan calls that a knife with hilarious consequences
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