Representatives from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences have revealed that Little Women director Greta Gerwig was excluded from the Best Director category after it became apparent that she did not have a penis.
“Well, Little Women is a tremendous film. A really clever and funny update to a classic story, so naturally Greta Gerwig was included, initially, in the Best Director nominations,” explained Oscars representative Stewart James.
“However, someone on the nomination committee then suddenly remembered that a friend of his wife had mentioned that Ms Gerwig didn’t have a penis.”
The Oscars nomination team swung into action.
“We immediately reached out to Ms Gerwig’s people for them to confirm her penis-ownership status.”
Sadly, they received no reply.
“In such an instance, we can only assume that her silence on the matter indicates that she does not, in fact, have a penis and therefore she cannot possibly be eligible for such a prestigious category as Best Director.”
Mr James did offer a glimmer of hope for Gerwig, though.
“Naturally, if Ms Gerwig were to grow a penis between now and the ceremony, then we would be happy to reconsider her nomination and we look forward to hearing from her in this matter.”
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