Godzilla: My ‘King Kong’ romps with co-star

Film legend Godzilla has revealed all about his steamy affair with co-star Kong during filming of Godzilla vs Kong last year.

“There was an immediate attraction. A spark, you know?” explained the popular giant lizard monster or ‘kaiju.’

“Kong has this charisma that is- It’s Kong, you know? When he’s on set, all eyes are on him. He just dominates everything. I fancied him immediately.”

Godzilla could tell the attraction was mutual.

“Oh yes, it was clear. He couldn’t take his eyes off me. When I first came on set, Kong was already there and there were people fussing round him and hanging out with him. But then he saw me, our eyes just locked. I mean, wow! You know? Electricity.”

However, it took over a week for the pair to have a chance to be alone together.

“Oh wow. That was tough. We’d catch each other’s eye, we’d brush past each other. But there was always somewhere else there.

“Then, one evening, everyone was going to a local bar. Kong had the same idea as me. I could tell. I said I needed to stay on set and learn some lines for the next day’s shoot. Kong left with everyone else but after a few minutes, he came back. He’d told everyone he’d forgotten something.

“Well, we just fell into each other’s arms. His strong gorilla hands gently caressing my scaley back plates and my little lizard arms stroking his big hairy chest.

“We didn’t say anything. We knew what we wanted. It was raw passion.

“I reached down for his monkeyhood and, let me tell you, he’s a giant gorilla in every sense of the word, you know? We made love there and then. We didn’t care who’d come back and find us.

“Earlier that day we’d filmed the Hong Kong battle which was going to be the climax of the picture and then, in the rubble we’d created with our epic clash, we laid down together and had the most incredible sex I’ve ever experienced.”

“We joined the rest of the cast and crew later in the bar. They all knew, of course, so we didn’t try to hide it. We held hands, stroked each other’s arms. We just wanted to be close to each other, you know?”

The pair became inseparable.

“Oh, we wouldn’t let either of us go anywhere without the other one. If I was on set, Kong watched me. If Kong had a meeting, I’d come with him. All the time we were just having the most incredible sex whenever we could.”

“One time we were in my trailer and just couldn’t stop ourselves. They had to pause filming because, well, if you’ve got to giant titans making love in a trailer then, well, there’s some background noise, you know?

“We were both pretty embarrassed afterwards, but I just couldn’t stop smiling. I was in love. I was having fantastic sex.”

Sadly, the affair wasn’t to last.

“I’ve never regretted something as much in my life. I was rehearsing a scene with Alexander Skarsgard. He said that, for a giant lizard monster, I was really attractive. I don’t know what I was thinking, I suppose it was because he was this big movie star. I kissed him.

“Kong saw us.

“I tried to explain that it didn’t mean anything but Kong wouldn’t listen. He didn’t speak to me again. We haven’t spoken since. We finished filming and he was a professional in all our scenes together, but nothing more. My own stupidity had ended the most incredible affair of my life.”

The pair are now working on different projects.

“I’ve got a role in the new Jurassic Park spin-off, and he’s working on a new picture about a giant gorilla. I’ve since seen pictures of him with Timothee Chalament, so I guess they’re together now. I don’t blame Timothee. Who wouldn’t want to be with Kong, you know?

“I don’t know. I guess I know we’ll never get back what we had before and that’s my fault. But I hope one day I get the chance to explain what happened, and what Kong meant to me.

“He was the love of my lizard life.”

Godzilla then broke into sobs. A young Tyrannosaurus Rex came over to comfort the distraught titan, and shyly suggested they could go out for a drink together to talk about it.

Godzilla smiled sadly.

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t do that sort of thing anymore.”