Failure of The Marvels Proves Conclusively That Women Have No Place in Films

The failure of recent superhero film The Marvels has proven once and for all that films simply should have women in them.

The film, which has barely taken $200,000 at the box-office, features three women in the lead roles, and instead of being the wives of proper superheroes, they actually play the superheroes themselves.

“I knew The Marvels would flop,” said Stewart James, a man whose hobby is going on the internet to explain why he’s right.

“I saw when it was announced. The Marvels. I thought – I wonder what that is? – and I looked and saw that it was a film about superheroes. But the superheroes were women? I mean, what? Who’s going to see that? And apart from the million or so people who went to see it, it was right.”

The failure of the film has led many to believe that films should only be about men and manly things like shouting loudly, driving fast, and punching people without thinking it through.

“It just makes sense,” continued Mr James.

“Men do exciting, cinematic things like driving motorcycles off the cliff and punching holes in the wall. Women change nappies and go shopping for bras which is fine, but doesn’t translate to the cinema very well. Then, when they try and do manly things, like in The Marvels, it’s just weird.

“I hope this is a wake-up call, and we only see films about men from now on.”

In other news, 2023’s biggest film Barbie has just taken a load more money.