Elden Ring sequel to be much, much sexier

With the huge success of Elden Ring, a sequel is already being mooted and creator Hidetaka Miyazaki is determined to make it much, much sexier than the first game.

“Absolutely no one should be wearing trousers or underwear. That would be the big change I would make. Player characters, NPCs, enemies, actual players – they should be completely bottomless at all times,” said Miyazaki-san, as he discussed a potential second game.

“I am very pleased with the gameplay and the world of the first game, but I do certainly feel some regret that it wasn’t sexier. If I were to do a sequel, it would be.”

He explained that he was considering a potential sexiness mechanic.

“I like the idea of every character having a sexiness rating,” he said.

“There will be a base sexiness rating that everyone will have because they don’t have any trousers or pants on. But then they would have a rating on top of that would affect battles.

“If you were much sexier than your opponent, then you will have the advantage in battle. The opponent will have to stop to catch their breath, they will feel a little intimidated, they may even have to deal with an embarrassing, unwanted erection.

“However, the opposite could be true and you may want to become much sexier before attempting battle with a particularly sexy enemy. This could be done by putting on some aftershave, or growing designer stubble.”

Other ideas mooted by Miyazaki-san were making all buildings boob-shaped, having big penises on legs as mounts, and making the logo a really nice bottom.

Elden Ring 2: Let’s Get Sexy is the rumoured title for a sequel that is realistically, some years away.