EA has responded to the outcry surrounding its Star Wars Battlefront 2 progression system with the announcement that it will be replacing its controversial ‘loot boxes’ with an EA employee visiting anyone who bought the game to administer a punch to the face.
The in-game loot boxes had allowed EA to make gamers’ lives more miserable by charging them absurd amounts of money to obtain items in a game they already owned.
“Hey, we hear you. This is not a popular system,” said Jeremy Beelzebub, a spokesperson for EA games.
“So in response to your concerns, we will be replacing the loot box system with a regular punch to the face.”
“We are EA after all, so it’s important we make all our customers lives slightly more miserable.”
Gamers were bemused.
“Yeah, it’s good that the loot box system is going,” said Battlefront fan Michael Adams
“But I’m not convinced the punch-to-the-face system will be that much of an improvement.”
“I mean, practically speaking, how will it work? Do I have to wait in at home for EA to punch me in the face? Because I’ve got a job to go to so we’ll need to arrange a convenient time.”
“Mostly though, I don’t understand why they can’t let me just enjoy the game I bought without coming up with ingenious ways to make my life more miserable.”
It is understood that the regular punch to the face will apply to those who purchased the regular edition of the game
Those who purchased the special edition will also have an EA employee burn down your house and kick your dog up the arse.
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