DC announces new slate of ‘sure-fire hits’ including Guards of the Galaxy, Steel Man and Captain USA

A collection of unconvincing cosplayers. Dc New slate

James Gunn, the recently appointed head of DC studios, has announced a new series of ‘sure-fire hits’ that will revitalise the beleaguered studio.

Steel Man, Guards of the Galaxy, Captain USA, the Mighty Odin, Arachnid Man, Black Leopard, and then all these great new heroes come together in a few years’ time for The Avenging Men Gather,” explained Gunn.

“This is why I joined DC, the chance to work on brand new, completely original superheroes. We’ve had a top creative team working round the clock to invent these exciting new characters.

“Steel Man is a millionaire genius who makes this flying suit that fires lasers, but the suit is made of steel and he’s clean shaven so, you know, totally original. Yet I’m confident he’ll be really popular for some reason. Probably because I’ve got a knack for this sort of thing.

“Arachnid Man is bitten by a radioactive arachnid hybrid, and therefore develops all the powers of a spider, but also other arachnids, like a vinegarroon or a mite, he’s not limited in the way that he might be if he’d just been bitten by, say, a spider.”

DC fans were excited by the announcement.

“Sounds great, really exciting,” said Stewart James.

“I reckon that Steel Man and Captain USA are going to become friends and then have an argument, and the leader of the Guards of the Galaxy will be annoying.

“This is going to be great. Loads better than Superman.”

Along with the films, new toys and action figures will be available to tie in with the films. Many of which have been stealth-released and are available in pound shops, discount stores and down the local market.


*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’

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