Confirmed! Christopher Nolan’s latest will be a fifth Confessions film

After months of speculation, the Oscar-winning director of Oppenheimer has confirmed that his next film will be the fifth film in the popular early-seventies Confessions franchise.

“Naturally, I’m a huge fan of the Confessions films,” explained Nolan.

“I think that their influence can be seen in all my pictures, particularly The Dark Knight, which could almost be called Confessions of a Batman, what with all Confessions touches I added.

“But, I make no apology for that. The Confessions films are cinematic classics. When you think about the great moments in film history, there’s Psycho’s shower scene, the newsreel in Citizen Kane, and, of course, Robin Askwith’s bottom going up and down in all those soap bubbles.”

Nolan will, of course, be adding a typically cerebral sci-fi twist to the Confessions formula, with the title of the new film being Confessions of an Trans-dimensional Time-walker.

“Yes, in this case, Timothy Lea is actually the member of a hyper-intelligent race of aliens who is able to crossover from one dimension to another at will, and so he gets himself into all manner of trans-dimensional sexual misadventures.”

He gave an example of what to expect. 

“Well, in one scene, Tim is in bed with a lady but then he turns over and finds he’s in a different dimension with a different lady! So, all sorts of hilarious scrapes happen as he tries to keep both ladies in different dimensions happy and satisfied without either of them realising that he’s with another lady at the same time in a different dimension.”

Happily, original star Robin Askwith will be returning as Tim Lea. 

“Yes, we were going to replace him with Timothee Chalamet or Nick Hoult, but neither really had the acting chops to pull it off. So, we’ve got Robin and we’re going to use de-aging CGI.

“It really is quite incredible what ILM’s de-aging tech can do to a bottom.”