Boney M biopic feared

Following the success of Bohemian Rhapsody and the Mamma Mia films there are very real fears that a Boney M biopic could be in the works.

Boney M were a German disco group in the late-seventies and were every bit as bad as that sounds, a potential biopic could see special singalong showings of the film, a resurgence of interest in their music and a multi-million selling soundtrack that remains in the charts until the sun turns cold and humanity quietly dies out.

“I’ll be honest, I’m really worried,” said cinema-goer Mary Baker.

“I mean, I don’t need the music of Boney M back in my life. Who does? But you see how well that Queen film does, you just know that they’ll be sniffing round any old seventies nonsense to make a film of. It could be Boney M, it really could.”

Terrifyingly, any potential Boney M biopic could feature a scene in which band leader Frank Farian is struggling for lyrics for a melody until late one night he reads a biography of Russian monk Rasputin. There could also be some form of ‘triumphant’ performance of ‘Brown Girl in the Ring’ somewhere near the end.

Other potential targets for music biopics include Brotherhood of Man, Racey and the Goombay Dance Band.

As such, cinema-goers are advised to just stay at home until this trend blows over.