It’s the weekend, time for the proletariat to seize the means of production and achieve socialist utopia! Or, if that seems like far too much hard work, why not watch these films instead.
Saturday
The Departed ITV 22.40
Marky Mark swears at everyone in increasingly colourful manner until they all die.
The Martian Channel 4 21.00
Matt Damon goes to Mars, grows some potatoes, then comes home again.
Angels and Demons Channel 5 22.00
Tom Hanks runs round Rome explaining why he’s running round Rome to an attractive woman who seems only to be there to be attractive and have things explained to her by Tom Hanks.
Sunday
Steel Magnolias Sony Movie Channel 03.45
Southern women remain indomitable whilst getting their haircut.
One for mum, when she gets in from clubbing.
We Bought a Zoo E4 15.05
Matt Damon buys a zoo, tells people about it.
Fatal Acquittal Sony Movie Channel 09.00
The world’s most generic title. No idea what it’s about, but if I had to guess I’d say that Stephanie Diamonte, a high-powered lawyer and bra model, successfully defends a brilliant, yet mysterious man and begins a steamy affair with him.
He is then implicated in a murder and she must put her feelings aside to defend him whilst becoming increasingly suspicious that he is guilty.
He isn’t, it was his mad twin.
If its not that then – Hollywood? Let’s talk.
New at the cinema this weekend
Captain Marvel
Bitten by a radioactive Marvel film, Carol Dancers develops all the powers of a Marvel film.
Set in the nineties, so will feature TLC songs, a reference to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and a hypercolour t-shirt.
DVD of the week
The Wolf of Wall Street
Debauched excess and sniffing cocaine from a prostitute’s bottom. Pretty much a Tuesday lunchtime at Screen Idle HQ.
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