It’s the weekend, so why not spend it like everyone else – sat in your pants with the curtains closed, eating Frosties from the box and wondering if it’s too early to start drinking.
While you’re doing that, you could watch these great films.
Friday
Clear and Present Danger 5* 21.00
Han Solo invades Columbia to get the drugs
Logan E4 21.00
Grumpy Hugh Jackman is incredibly grumpy because he’s got metal bones. Then he dies.
Beethoven Nickelodeon 18.00
Warm-hearted tale of an ordinary family who adopt an eighteenth-century composer
Saturday
The Da Vinci Code Channel 5 17.15
Forrest Gump grows an improbable and unpleasant mullet then runs around Europe explaining things to anyone who will listen
Gladiator ITV 22.35
Australian Gladiator from Spain beats up Oliver Reed’s giraffe leading to the most anti-climactic ending in movies.
Jurassic World Sky Showcase 21.00
Giant lizards get cross and eat everyone. Woman wears controversial shoes throughout.
Sunday
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 ITV 16.20
What? A Harry Potter film on ITV on a Sunday teatime. My god, but this is unheard of!
I wouldn’t worry if you miss this, it will definitely be on next week.
Dances with Wolves Channel 5 15.00
Back in the nineties, Strictly was a *real* challenge.
The Magnificent Seven 5* 21.00
Classic cowboy larks that was remade as cheap overlong samurai nonsense. Watch this 2016 original instead.
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