It’s the weekend! Time to visit that abandoned old cabin in the woods for a weekend of sex, partying and definitely no terrifying demonic activity at all.
But if that sounds like a hassle, just stay at home and watch these great films instead.
Friday
The Graduate BBC1 23.35
Dustin Hoffman moons about, has sex with someone’s mum, then moons about a bit more.
Here’s to you Mrs Roberts.
Rocky ITV 22.45
Rubbish boxer loses boxing match
Gnomeo and Juliet Nickelodeon 18.00
From the people who brought you Sherlock Gnomes. If you’re reading, how about Antigon-gnome for your next one? You’re welcome.
Shout out to anyone in an amateur dramatic production of Antigone. There’ll be someone.
Saturday
Unknown 5* 18.45
Don’t know.
Platoon ITV4 23.00
Apparently war isn’t all larks and fun after all. Damn you, Bank Holiday films with overweight British character actors in, how could you lie to us so?
Robin Hood 5* 21.00
Ludicrous film that takes some real offensive liberties with the original story. I mean, Robin isn’t even a fox in this.
Sunday
The Rock Channel 5 21.00
Nic Cage and Sean Connery battle disillusioned former Colonel Ed Harris who has occupied Dwayne Johnson and is threatening to blow him up.
Silence of the Lambs ITV4 22.00
Anthony Hopkins gives a subtle and nuanced performance as a cannibal called Hannibal.
If his mum called him Mathilda, would he have been a builder?
The Green Mile 5* 21.00
Wizard goes to prison. Mends a mouse. Comes to a bad end. Whole thing goes on for about six weeks.
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