It’s the weekend. You could pop to the pub, but it’ll just be full of dreary men saying that the beer is quite ‘hoppy’ like that’s a thing.
Best plan is to lie on the sofa eating mini Kievs and watching one of these top films
Saturday
28 Days Later 5* 23.10
The story of what happens four weeks from now which, presumably, will detail how you watched a film called 28 Days Later.
Die Hard 4.0 Film4 21.00
Bruce Willis is grumpy at terrorists until they stop being terrorists.
I’m fairly sure someone says that they’re ‘jacked in’ at one point, so enjoy that.
Machine Gun Kelly Sony Movies Classic
“Mrs Kelly, its a boy.”
“How wonderful, I’ll call him Machine Gun. Machine Gun Kelly.”
“Are you sure that’s really a suitable name?”
“Are you starting an argument with Machine Gun Kelly’s mum?”
“Hell, no.”
Sunday
Jurassic Park ITV2 18.25
Big lizards ruin funfair.
“This is Unix. I know Unix.”
No it isn’t. No you don’t.
The Core Film4 13.40
Film about the middle of an apple. Don’t eat the pips or a tree will grow in your tummy.
Stepmom Sony Movies 11.25
Unremitting misery about dying mums. Just what you need on a Sunday afternoon
New at the cinema this week
Onward
New Pixar, so funny, beautiful, heartwarming and a bunch of superfluous sequels.
DVD of the week
Scarface
Subtle and nuanced meditation on immigration that sees a man get his arm chainsawed off to cracking Giorgio Moroder disco soundtrack.
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