It’s the weekend! Time to abandon those absurdly optimistic New Year resolutions and slump on the sofa with a tray of Asda value lager and all the left-over Quality Street toffee pennies and enjoy these great films.
Saturday
Pulp Fiction Dave 22.30
John Travolta and his mullet do wacky adventures with Uma Thurman’s feet while bad 70s pop plays.
Warrior Film4 23.00
Grumpy Tom Hardy is so grumpy everyone punches him.
Carrie 5* 23.25
Shy teenager unleashes terrifying psychic powers after realising she’s in a rubbish remake.
Sunday
Gladiator 5Spike 21.00
Australian Gladiator beats up Oliver Reed’s giraffe leading to the most anti-climactic ending in movies.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl ITV2 17.15
Wobbly pirate teams up with elf and magic Keira Knightley to find the gold or defeat the guy from Shine or something.
The Angry Birds Movie Channel 5 17.10
Proof humanity is doomed
New at the cinema this week
The Gentlemen
Oi Oi, ‘ave it you melts, it’s proper cockney geezer Guy Ritchie and he’s back with more cockney adventures of cockney men doing cockney things in cockney land
DVD of the week
Pompeii
Jolly John Snow vs a volcano. Featuring special effects made on a Commodore 64.
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