It’s the weekend, you could spend it outdoors, but outdoors is just full of things that sting you and people wearing inappropriately tight clothing.
So best stay in and watch these great films
Friday
Stalag 17 Film4 15.00
16th sequel to Stalag, presumably.
I would imagine that the franchise was getting a bit tired by this point. Happens to the best of them.
Except Police Academy, of course.
Winchester ’73 Film4 11.00
73! Now that is a run of sequels. Puts Stalag to shame.
Still not as many as Police Academy, though. Fact.
Mach 2 Movies4Men 13.00
2! Only 2! That’s rubbish. Must try harder.
Saturday
Titanic Channel 4 18.20
3-hour long Celine Dion music video. Won an Oscar. The nineties were mental.
Rocky IV ITV 22.20
Sylvester Stallone punches Russia in the face. Berlin Wall came down shortly afterwards. Coincidence? I think not.
Junior 5* 19.00
Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant with hilarious consequences.
Whatever.
Emma Thompson is in this! Emma Thompson! Blimey, Emma, if you were that hard up, you should have said and we’d have had a whip round for you.
Sunday
Les Miserables True Movies 1 18.30
Two and a half hours of revolutionary French people mooning about. Couldn’t even be bothered to do songs. Lazy.
Dirty Dancing Channel 5 21.00
Someone tries to put Baby in the corner. Patrick Swayze has a word.
Sewers of Gold Talking Pictures TV 07.50
Yeah, I’ll take your word for it.
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