It’s Friday again! Time to pretend to have a bit of a cough so you don’t have to go round your brother-in-law’s house and listen to him witter on about the new conservatory he’s put in.
It’s not a new wing on Downton Abbey, mate. Get over yourself.
Here’s our guide to all the films you can watch instead.
Friday
Casino Royale ITV4 20.00
Don’t worry if you miss it, it’ll be on tomorrow afternoon then twice on Sunday and at least once during the week. Do ITV not have access to any other films?
Scarface ITV4 22.50
Subtle and nuanced meditation on immigration that sees man get his arm chainsawed off to cracking Giorgio Moroder disco soundtrack.
Die Hard With A Vengence 5* 21.00
Actually, it *IS* a Christmas film
Saturday
Spectre ITV2 20.00
Get ready for Halloween with the Spooky-ookiest of all the James Bond films. Spectre! Brrrrr.
Warcraft 5* 21.00
Magic bastards turn orcs evil so they can duff up humans. Not enough collecting six rabbit skins to be really believable.
Terminator: Dark Fate Film4 21.00
784th sequel to 80s film that was quite good.
Apparently, the plot is that the Terminator has to travel back in time to prevent the sequel with Daenerys calling him pops. Or the one you’ve forgotten about where Christian Bale is grumpy. Or any of the other ones that weren’t Terminator 2
Godspeed you big Terminator.
Sunday
Lethal Weapon 2 Paramount 21.00
“We’re back, we’re bad, you’re black, I’m harbouring some dark anti-Semitic views and serious issues around alcohol.”
Tomb Raider ITV2 18.45
Posh lady with triangular boobs shoots local wildlife
Be the first to comment