It’s the weekend. You could pop to the pub, but it’ll just be full of dreary men saying that the beer is quite ‘hoppy,’ like that’s a thing.
Best plan is to lie on the sofa eating toast topppers and watching one of these top films
Saturday
Alien Film4 23.35
‘In space no one can hear you scream’
Or so they thought in 1977, it turns out that is incorrect and they actually can hear you scream, you’ve just got to scream really, really loudly.
Handy tip there.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Film4 21.00
Sequel to Any Which Way But Loose sees Clyde rise up after years of riding around in a crappy truck and take over the world.
The Others Sony Movie Channel 23.10
Spoiler! The twist is that Bruce Willis is a ghost who no one can see. Woooooo.
Sunday
Miracle on 34th Street Film4 13.25
Sequel to Jurassic Park sees a broke Doctor Hammond try and eke out a living by conning rich families into believing he’s Santa Claus and stealing an engagement ring.
The Martian Film4 21.00
Matt Damon grows a potato in space. Less fun than it sounds.
Les Miserables Sony Movie Channel 13.25
Parisian death, misery and heartbreak without songs. Marginally preferable to Parisian death, misery and heartbreak with songs.
New at the cinema
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Here’s a fact for you, our most successful article is one about how this film has loads of porn in (here, if you’re interested). The reason for its success? People keep googling ‘Wreck-it Ralph porn’ and reading it.
People are weird. Stay away from them.
DVD of the week
Fail Safe
US President has to avoid nuclear war by talking to Russian counterpart. Unless it’s 5 minutes long and ends in the Armageddon then it’s completely unbelievable nowadays.
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