It’s the weekend, and as your plans for the weekend amount to lying on the sofa wondering why you don’t have better plans for the weekend, you’re probably going to want to watch some films.
Luckily, here’s some films.
Saturday
Independence Day Channel 4 20.00
Aliens blow up White House. Which doesn’t seem quite as bad now as it did in 1996.
Daylight 5Spike 18.45
Sylvester Stallone has battle of wits with a tunnel. Tunnel comes close second.
Guardians of the Galaxy BBC1 22.20
Enormously smug man beats up special effects in space whist soundtracked by rejects from a Quentin Tarantino soundtrack.
Sunday
Gladiator Channel 5 22.25
Russell Crowe shouts at everyone until the money runs out at the end and they’re forced to have a silly punch-up between Russ and the actual Roman Emperor.
Rocky 5Spike 18.30
Man loses at boxing and everyone gets excited.
Olympus has Fallen 5* 21.00
Dirty foreigners take over the White House but make such a mess of it that no one really wants it any more.
New at the cinema this week
Last Christmas
Someone gives someone else their heart. Then the next day they give it away. Rude.
DVD of the week
The Expendables
Action adventure starring everyone in Hollywood. Stuff blows up. People punch other people. Everyone goes home for a nice sit down.
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