It’s the weekend, and unless the workers have seized the means of production as part of the glorious revolution, you’ve only got two days before work. So watch these films.
Saturday
Die Hard E4 21.00
Bruce Willis beats up a skyscraper.
The Internet remains angry about whether or not it’s a Christmas film.
The Remains of the Day Drama 21.00
Anthony Hopkins fails to get off with Emma Thompson in butler classic.
Raise the Titanic Talking Pictures TV 19.00
Russians and Americans battle to salvage the Titanic as the think it contains a vital nuclear ingredient.
Doesn’t feature a Celine Dion song so it wins.
Oh, producer Lew Grade later said of this that ‘it would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic’ which is excellent.
Sunday
Back to the Future E4 18.40
Michael J. Fox goes back in time to watch parents have a snog.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Channel 4 22.00
Apes beat humans at war in terrifying dystopian vision about the perils of kindness to animals.
Moonraker ITV4 19.20
Space-Bond. Features Peggy from Hi-de-hi getting off with Jaws (not the shark, the teeth man)
New at the cinema
Predator
Ragtag crew of ex-soldiers hunt down lethal alien hunter. If it was that lethal, then you’d think they’d have got a brilliant crew of top-notch soldiers to hunt it down. So unrealistic.
Island
If it doesn’t feature Scarlett Johannsson and Ewan McGregor as clones living in a massive underground bunker with Boromir then I’m not interested – ‘Jordan, there is no island!’ – classic.
DVD of the week
My Generation
Documentary featuring Michael Caine, Paul McCartney, Mary Quant and loads of other old people smugly banging on about how everything was better in the sixties. Like being stuck in a room with a drunk uncle.
‘Bloody kids, don’t know they’re born.’
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