Study finds sharp reduction in instances of aliens anal probing abductees

A new study has shown a sharp decease in the use of anal probing techniques on alien abductees.

The reason for the dramatic drop in the use of anal probing is currently unknown, but there is speculation that it is the prohibitive cleaning expenses.

 “Back in the nineties, it was all about anal-probing. I mean, if you got abducted by aliens, the only thing they were interested in was what was up your ass,” explained alien expert Marvin Spock.

“But recently, we’re just not seeing it as much. Some people suggest it’s because we are being visited by a more sophisticated alien who considers there to be more to the average human than his butt.”

However, Mr Spock was sceptical about this explanation.

“Yeah, I don’t know though, I think it’s more likely that the cleaning and disinfecting of the probing apparatus after the probing had taken place was becoming time-consuming and costly.

“If you think about it, as well, you’re going to need a lot of manpower…alienpower, whatever.

“The more anal-probing you’re doing, the more aliens you’re going to need to clean the probe and I can’t imagine ‘anal-probe cleanser’ is the easiest job to fill on Rigel-7.”

 With instances of anal-probing dramatically down, there are fears it could be replaced with genital-sampling, which just sounds awful.