Following speculation regarding the sexuality of characters Bert and Ernie, producers of Sesame Street have issued a statement confirming that, whilst the characters in question are heterosexual, all other characters on the show are gay.
There have long been rumours surrounding the nature of Bert and Ernie’s relationship and now it appears that their apparent closeness was merely used as a diversion from sexuality of everyone else.
“Big Bird, Elmo, the Cookie Monster – flaming homosexuals, the lot of them,” said producer Jon Stone.
“I’m surprised that no one has noticed before, to be honest, what with Oscar the Grouch’s constant references to buttplugs and The Count regularly counting the number of participants in recent homosexual orgies he took part in.”
Mr Stone also revealed that the show had been conceived as a puppet show for homosexual adults and early episodes featured segments on sexual health, gay culture and fisting.
Throughout the years, the overtly sexual nature of the programme was toned down and it became more targeted towards children.
“It’s obviously more educational nowadays,” confirmed Mr Stone.
“But the constant soundtrack of hard-core House music and Big Bird frequently dressing in leather chaps shows that we still have an overtly homosexual agenda.
“Except for Bert and Ernie, of course, they’re just friends.”
Whilst producers have been happy to clarify the homosexual nature of Sesame Street, the sexual nature of characters in sister show The Muppets remains a mystery.
Although, it seems pretty clear that Kermit the frog is into threesomes with him just watching, and the Swedish Chef is a gimp.
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