Governments around the world have moved quickly to introduce a global piece of legislation that will mean the immediate execution of anyone who posts spoilers from Stranger Things.
Many people would have hoped that the first piece of global legislation would be a restriction on the use of landmines or universal provision of malaria medicine but the Stranger Things spoilers problem was seen as the single most pressing global issue today.
“Yeah, it was pretty easy in the end,” said a lawyer who worked on the legislation.
“Everyone was adamant that Stranger Things spoilers were just destroying lives across the world.
“There was some consternation about the use of the death penalty from the likes of the Netherlands and Iceland. Goddamn hippies.
“Ultimately though, they agreed that death was too good for the sort of scum who post this disgraceful material online.”
Whilst normally an opponent of capital punishment, in this instance, this writer fully supports the new legislation after having Stranger Things 2 ruined by reading an online revelation about episode 7 when Dustin goes to-
(Sadly, the author of this piece has been executed after being caught in the act of posting a Stranger Things spoiler. Good thing too. The swine – Ed)
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