Police chief who demanded information ‘yesterday’ sent on temporal theory course

A police chief who made repeated demands for information on a case ‘yesterday’ has been sent on a new temporal theory course.

Initially, police officers who worked under his jurisdiction tried to point out the fundamental flaw in his demands to receive information yesterday.

“I was working the robbery at the bodega on 34^th, and the chief said the investigation wasn’t progressing quickly enough and he wanted information on the perp yesterday,” said rookie cop Stewart James.

“I explained to him that the concept of time is linear and that to get that information for him yesterday was a temporal impossibility because that moment in time has passed and is unalterable.”

“He bawled me out for thirty minutes.”

The new course in temporal theory was introduced after it became apparent that many people were having problems with the linear flow of time.

“We had one guy came here, and he had a very high rank. He’d said that he wanted a major drug gang taken down ‘yesterday, last week, last year,’” said Kelly Grace who runs the course.

“Now that just demonstrates such a basic misunderstanding of the nature of time, and in this day and age, you’re at a real disadvantage if you don’t understand that yesterday, last week, and last year…well, they’ve already happened.

However, it’s not just people in law-enforcement who are affected.

“No, we had a CEO in here recently, he’d demanded that the files on a competitor were on his desk ‘yesterday.’

“It is literally impossible to produce something yesterday unless you have produced that thing yesterday – you really need to be able to grasp that basic fact if you want to be competitive in the modern marketplace.”

The temporal theory course runs once a month. This month’s course is completely full, but apparently there are still places available on last month’s course.