It’s the weekend. Perhaps Lord Henry Hampton-DeWinter will be holding one of his magnificent balls (!). If you find yourself too overcome to attend, you could enjoy these great films instead.
Friday
Lady Bird BBC3 21.15
Stroppy teenager is stroppy in the early noughties.
28 Days Later 5* 21.00
The story of what happens four weeks from now which, presumably, will detail how you watched a film called 28 Days Later.
First Knight GREAT! Movies 18.20
Sweeping romance from the time when noble British knights had magnificently blow-dried hair – gadzooks m’lord! Doth thee wish me to put product on that?
Saturday
Dirty Dancing 5* 18.55
Someone tries to put a baby in a corner. Patrick Swayze gets cross.
Bridge of Spies Channel 4 23.30
Mark Rylance does serious acting in Spielberg film that needs loads more dinosaurs. All Spielberg films without dinosaurs need more dinosaurs. Some of the ones with dinosaurs need more dinosaurs.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula Film4 23.15
After his girlfriend dies, Transylvanian bloke throws huge strop and tortures Keanu Reeves until he stops speaking cockney.
Sunday
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon GREAT! Movies 23.20
Features neither tiger, nor dragon. Fair enough, the dragon is hidden so that’s understandable. But you should be able to see a tiger even if its crouching. Poor.
Steel Magnolias Channel 5 15.05
Ladies get their hair cut. Doesn’t end well.
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