Opinion: Starfleet would have stopped functioning as a coherent organisation after the invention of holodecks

Starfleet was created before the invention of holodecks. That’s based on the evidence that there wasn’t a bunch of weak-assed episodes in the original series that saw Kirk and Spock pretending to be private detectives because the writers couldn’t think of anything spacey that week.

So, at some point between Kirk going off to be old and horny in the space captain’s retirement home and Picard turning up to be all bald and cerebral, someone invented holodecks.

“What’s that?”

“Holodeck.”

“Oh yeah? what’s a ‘holodeck’ do then?”

“Lets you create and experience literally anything you like.”

“Cool. I’m just going to try it out. You can have it back in twenty- no, thirty years. When I’m dead. Unless dead people can use it. Now, go away and leave me alone with my holodeck.”

For reasons best known to themselves, Starfleet go on to install holodecks on all their starships. At that point, the whole thing would have collapsed. No one would ever have got anything else done because everyone would have been getting up to all sorts in their holodecks.

“Commander Riker, we have to go and defeat the Cardassians.”

“Yeah, I mean, we could totally do that. Or, and hear me out here, we could go and spend three weeks being the lead singer and guitarist in a top 70s rock band with all the drugs and groupies we can eat.”

“Make it so, number one”

Why on earth would you bother making peace with the Klingons? Let them have the fourth sector, Starfleet have got holodecks and right now everyone is running around the Palace of Versailles with no trousers on.

Even if Starfleet wanted to actually do something Starfleety; go off and explore a weird planet with a small cluster of people who are currently in the throes of a thematically interesting crisis that would make for a compelling 43 minutes of prime-time drama, it would make sense to just play it out on the holodeck. 

Recreate the planet, the people, and the crisis, have Geordi go in there and fail to have sex with someone, Data can do his whole ‘hmm, what is this human concept of ‘love’?’ thing, the kid can be annoying. Planet explored, interesting dilemmas played out, characters developed in some small way and all from the comfort and safety of a holodeck.

At best, Starfleet would become some sort of holodeck tour planner.

Humans, when presented with such a powerful and transformative piece of technology, would immediately cancel all plans to fly round the galaxy being noble in starships and spend the rest of their days drunk and horny on a holodeck.