Old ladies across the country are excited to be making a return to cinemas and are already making plans to meet up with friends and talk loudly throughout the entire film.
“My friend Dolly and I always go to the pictures every week and have a lovely natter together,” said Kelly Grace, a pensioner from Brighton.
“You have to speak up sometimes to make yourself heard, because with these modern films they’re ever so loud nowadays.
“It’s lovely, we meet up nice and early and buy a sack of boiled sweets to chew through, then we make sure we’re the first ones into the cinema, go right down the front for a lovely sit down, because theses modern cinemas are ever so comfy, you know. Then we have a lovely chat for a couple of hours.
“We’ll watch anything, as long as it’s not too mucky, I remember we saw that 50 Shades of Grey and it was nothing more than filth. As soon as we saw what that Christian Grey was going to do with his thing we stood up and made them stop the film.
“Don’t want to see his bits and pieces flapping about while we’re trying to have a nice chat about Dolly’s suppurating nostril.”
Mrs Grace is planning a big reunion for when the cinemas open with her and Dolly and several of their friends all heading to the cinema to watch Ammonite and have a lovely natter all sorts.
So, it may be advisable for everyone else to avoid the 11.30 showing at the Prince of Edinburgh Cinema next Monday.
Some links to other bits of the blog that you’ll love*…
*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
Want to know what’s on telly this weekend? No problem, click on this Weekend Film Guide
Want to impress friends with your superior film knowledge? You’ll be wanting the Fun Facts page.
Or, if links aren’t your thing, here’s an old article you might like…
Jurassic World 2’s on-set bloodbath blamed on ‘unqualified animal handlers’
Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom’s horrific on-set bloodbath has been blamed on ‘unqualified animal handlers’ say the production studio.
Director J.A. Bayona demanded that the entire cast went ‘method’ for the blockbuster and thus recruited scientists to genetically engineer real life dinosaurs for ‘realism’.
The dinosaurs were then trained by animal handlers who had previously looked after circus animals but were found to have contravened Health and Safety protocols after it came to light they’d never before handled big-assed reptiles from 200 million years ago.
Through an interpreter, severely mauled handler Duane Goggins, painfully mumbled, “This was a bit different from my previous jobs, where I had vast experience of dealing with some quite angry animals and was able to keep them in line.
“However, this set turned out to be very different from Pets At Home.
“In retrospect, I think hitting the T-Rex with a whip narked him off rather than got him to ‘Sit!’
“Barbara Woodhouse has a lot to answer for.”
Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom will be released in June with a note in the credits stating that ‘Some handlers were hurt during the making of this feature.’
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