Man demands refund after French art film features no nudity

A cinema-goer has demanded a refund from his local arthouse cinema after a French black and white art film he went to see contained no nudity.

The film – La Maison de Mon Frere – is advertised as a ‘fraught drama of destructive emotions in rural France,’ and runs for over five hours.

“I know, right? Over five hours, you’d have thought that you’d get a bit of flesh but no, not so much as an arse-cheek,” said a clearly irate Jeremy Grant, an unemployed vajazzler from Powys.

“I know it doesn’t say ‘features naked French people’ on the poster but, I’m sorry, if you go and see a five hour French black and white art film then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a couple of scenes of someone hot mooning about smoking in the altogether and at least one scene of frantic humping.

“What’s the point otherwise?”

Mr Grant described the film.

“It was just loads black and white slow pans across desolate farms that ended on an old man sobbing. Occasionally someone would shout at someone else, and it was always raining.”

He is demanding the cost of his ticket and carrot cake is refunded, and suggests that the poster for La Maison du Mon Frere contains a small note saying ‘no nudity occurs in this film, so probably don’t bother.’