Under Amazon’s new stewardship, the character of James Bond will be reworked so that he is a bald online shopkeeper who everyone likes and has loads and loads of friends.
“I think people are tired of James Bond being an exciting secret agent who gets into action-packed scrapes and saves the world,” explained an Amazon spokesperson.
“What people really want is a James Bond who’s got no hair and runs a giant internet shop full of plastic tat. We’d also make this bald online shopkeeper really really popular because he would be, wouldn’t he? I mean, if you were a bald online shopkeeper then everyone would think you’re amazing and really want to be your friend.”
Although no plot details have yet been revealed, it is understood that the plot of the first new James Bond film under Amazon will see the bald online shopkeeper battling for the very wealthiest people in the country to pay less tax and then doing as he’s told by the President because he’s a bit frightened.
He will also have a really attractive girlfriend, the spokesperson confirmed.
“Oh yeah, that’s the other thing. He’d definitely have a really hot girlfriend because all the hot girls really, really fancy bald online shopkeepers.”
More on James Bond…
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Bond is put on the case and seeks to secure the release by getting off with a glamourous lady […]
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