Fortnite turned me into drug-addicted, sex-crazed llama fetishist, says Bank of England Head

Mark Carney, the former Bank of England Governor, has tearfully confessed to how the popular computer game Fortnite has turned him into a drug-addicted, sex-crazed llama fetishist.

The sordid revelations came about after he was discovered prowling an Essex Llama sanctuary dressed in a cheap imitation of the Chomp Sr Legendary skin from the game.

He was visibly tumescent and huffing drugs out of a carrier bag.

“Oh God, its all true,” wailed the man who was responsible for the fiscal security of Great Britain.

“All I want to do is get off with llamas and huff drugs out of carrier bags.”

The respected financier explained how he started playing Fortnite casually as a distraction.

“You have to understand that being Governor of the Bank of England, whilst a tremendous honour, was really quite boring.

“It’s just loads and loads of spreadsheets and hard sums.

“So, one day, on a whim, I downloaded this Fortnite thing everyone’s been going on about.

“At first I’d just play on the commute home, but then I got more addicted and started to sneak in games when Theresa May was banging on about Brexit.”

Before long, like many Fortnite players, he became sexually attracted to llamas.

“I noticed all the llamas in the game immediately, and found the coquettish manner in which they look at you incredibly arousing.”

He then fell into the sordid world of huffing drugs out of carrier bags in order to stay awake, play more Fortnite and look at suggestive pictures of llamas.

His life soon spiralled out of control.

Following the revelations, Mr Carney has apologised to his family for being a drug-addicted, sex-crazed llama fetishist and has promised to seek help for his problems.

He also gave some advice.

“If you become head of a major financial institution,” he sobbed.

“Don’t start playing Fortnite or you might become a drug-addicted, sex-crazed llama fetishist.”

Wise words for all of us.