‘Foiled by a mermaid’ – Weekend Film Guide 4th July

It’s the weekend and this time you’re not going to waste it lying on the sofa watching mediocre films, dammit.

Keep telling yourself that as you lie on the sofa enjoying all of these mediocre movies.

Saturday

Die Hard with a Vengeance Sony Movies 21.00

Bruce Willis solves a variety of brain-teasers whilst being grumpy and shouting at Samuel L Jackson who, in fairness, shouts back a lot.

Independence Day Film4 18.00

Aliens blow up White House. Made at a time when that was considered a bad thing.

Octopussy ITV4 16.25

James Bong saves the world by getting off with some sexy, sexy ladies and dressing up as a clown.

Sunday

Home Alone Film4 18.55

Evergreen Christmas classic, perfectly timed for the middle of summer. Film4 scheduler clearly drunk and/or mad.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Film4 21.00

Apes beat humans at war in terrifying dystopian vision about the perils of kindness to animals.

Local Hero Film4 14.35

Proto-Donald Trump tries to buy piece of Scotland from Porridge’s Mr Mackay and is foiled by mermaid.

Streaming recommendation

Hamilton Disney+

Old-timey Presidents invent rapping.