Ah, the weekend. Time to have a go at the garden, go for a walk in the country, or lie on the sofa in your pants eating corn flakes straight from the box wondering if it’s too early to start drinking yet.
Here’s our guide to the wealth of movies available to you.
Friday
William and Catherine: A Royal Romance 15.00 True Entertainment
Bald chap with wacky family gets off with girl at university with hilarious consequences.
Almost certainly fully endorsed by the Queen.
Knight and Day 22.00 Dave Ja Vu
I’ll watch most things, but this film is just a disgrace. The one where Tom Cruise got too old and creepy to do romantic lead. Cameron Diaz looks uncomfortable throughout.
Watch William and Catherine again instead. You’ll have a much better time.
Then you’ve got Doom, something with Cuba Gooding in, or a Marlon Brando ‘comedy.’
You know what? Go to the pub. Yes, you’ll have to talk to people and be sociable, but it’s better than today’s selection of films. A Nicolas Cage romantic comedy, anyone? Seriously, go to the pub. Tomorrow’s bound to be better.
Saturday
Lord of the Rings 17:10 ITV2
Because obviously. What are they going to do, not show Lord of the Rings at the weekend? No, that would be crazy.
A Few Good Men 21.00 Movies4Men
Jack Nicholson can’t handle the truth…or can he?
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 21.00 More4
Yeah, right. ‘Best’ – they’ve clearly never been to the Travellodge that overlooks the flyover in Chelmsford.
Sunday
How to train your dragon 16.55 Channel 4
Prequel to Game of Thrones.
Random Hearts 21.00 True Movies
No idea. Something with Harrison Ford when he’s not Han Solo or Indiana Jones, so that’ll work out well.
That name though, did they pull it out of a hat?
You’ve Got Mail 14.10 ITV
Kids, this is what life was like before Tinder.
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