Disappointment new Zelda game fails to bring about world peace, advance human evolution

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom has finally been released, and there is considerable disappointment in some quarters that, as yet, there has been no great advancement in human evolution, hunger and famine still exist, and world peace remains elusive.

“I really thought this was going to be the videogame that changed everything, that’s what I understood from the reviews” said Zelda fan and former German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like building little trucks and everything, but I understood that it was going to be so powerful and beautiful that leaders around the world would recognise that we, as a species, need to work as one to solve our problems and leave behind our petty squabbles.

“It hasn’t though, and I can’t beat that massive Hinox on the bridge.”

Leading microbiologist Didier Raoult agreed.

“I mean, it’s fine, it’s really fine. Attaching weapons to other weapons to make super weapons? Fine. But, really, from the way this game was built up, I really expected that, you know, we’d start to see the best players maybe advance to the next stage in evolution – grow a third eye, or become big floating clouds of thought or something. Hasn’t happened though.

“I don’t know, maybe it’ll take another week or so. Evolution’s funny like that.”

Nintendo has tried to calm down expectations a bit, however.

“Look, we’re very proud of the game, but some of the reviewers have been a little over-the-top with their claims about what it could be. We certainly never said it would bring about world peace or advance evolution,” said Nintendo spokesperson Stewart James.

“You’d need to have bought the special edition for that, and that sold out ages ago.”