Dad has issued a strident demand in response to the announcement that the Mulan streaming price on Disney+ will be $29.99 on top of the subscription fee.
“Well, it had better bloody come with golden popcorn and a bloody butler at that price,” exclaimed Dad, on receiving the news.
When his children argued it might be twice the cost for the family to watch Mulan in the cinema, he became more strident in his demands.
“It’s thirty quid! Thirty quid to sit on my arse on my own sofa. I’m doing that now for free. You can all sit on your arses on the sofa as well if you like, treat yourself.
“If Walt bloody Disney expects me to cough up thirty quid, I want golden popcorn, a hot dog made of pedigree dog, diamonds in my pick and mix, a butler to serve the whole thing on a silver platter and Eddie Murphy on the phone doing the voice of the dragon.
“Bloody funny was Eddie Murphy in Mulan.”
The news that Eddie Murphy would not, in fact, be in the latest version of Mulan only increased Dad’s outrage.
“Thirty bloody quid to watch Mulan without Eddie Murphy in it? They want me to pay thirty quid, and I’m not even getting the best bit? That’s like paying thirty quid to watch Indiana Jones without Short Round.
“We can watch the Mulan, right now, with Eddie Murphy in it, for free, and I’ll even throw in a bag of Malteasers if one of you buggers goes to the shop.”
Dad then brought all discussions of the Mulan streaming price to a close as he needed to renew his subscriptions to all available sports channels in Ultra HD and Dolby surround sound, even Darts.
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