Cookery programme probably on now

A new study has shown that there is probably a cookery programme on now.

The study, commissioned a man in the Midlands who just wants to find something half-decent to watch, damnit – has discovered that there is always a cookery programme on.

“It does my head in,” said John Wallace.

“You stick the telly on after tea and there’s always some numpty with a beard fricasseeing something.”

The study revealed the programmes tended to fall into two categories.

“You’ve either got the sort where they all compete to make the nicest compote, or you’ve got the sort where a posh woman licks sticks of celery all suggestively,” confirmed Mr Wallace.

“I don’t want to see it. I’ve had my fish fingers for tea, I just want to watch Holby City or something.”

The study revealed that it’s not just after tea that a cookery programme is likely to be on.

“All day. All bloody day. I had last week off because of my suppurating buttock, and it’s the same at lunchtime.

“You put the telly on and, of course, there’s someone in a kitchen.

“Only difference is that in the evening, it’s some cook from a famous restaurant in Oxfordshire, but during the day it’s the bloke from a Toby Carvery round the corner from the studio.”

The shock study follows a previous study that revealed there is always a programme on about selling houses.