Confirmed! Battlefield VI set in massive fight in a Coventry pub car-park

EA have announced that Battlefield VI, the latest instalment in their hugely popular first-person shooter franchise, will be set in a huge fight in a pub car park on the outskirts of Coventry.

It will feature an extensive single-player game and a number of multiplayer modes.

The single player campaign will start with the player enjoying a nice pint before someone accuses someone else of looking at his bird and it all absolutely kicks off.

The player then has to battle his way out of the pub to safety.

“We are super excited about the single player campaign,” said EA exec Amy Stone.

“There is a set-piece in an overflowing toilet that is going to blow people’s minds. It’s the most realistic use of used condoms and soggy fag butts ever seen in a game.”

However, as is always the case with Battlefield games, the real meat and drink will be the popular multiplayer modes.

The main multiplayer mode is, as ever, the Conquest mode. In Battlefield VI, this will comprise a huge 100-player fight across the car-park, after the football.

Players will have to secure a variety of strategic map points including the burnt-out Ford Fiesta, the dartboard, and the gents’ toilet.

“Oh wow! It is super intense,” continued Stone

“A hundred players just tearing into each other. It really captures to excitement of a huge fight in a pub car park.

“There’s a terrific array of weapons as well, from pint glasses to pool cues. Just like in real life, if you can pick something up then you can smash it into someone else’s face.”

There will be a variety of other smaller multiplayer modes including ‘Drunken fight in the bogs’ and ‘Staring menacingly.’

Battlefield VI: Tear-up in the Car Park will be available later this year on all major platforms.

More people believe in the Marvel Universe than they do the Middle Ages, finds study

The Marvel Universe is now so prevalent in people’s lives that more people now believe in it than they do the Middle Ages, according to a new study.

Asked whether people believed that a wealthy industrialist in New York had made a hyper intelligent battle suit, 52%, answered ‘yes.’

Conversely, asked whether there was a time when juggling was a legitimate profession, only 32% answered in the affirmative.

“The findings from the study are absolutely fascinating,” confirmed Jeremy Rickman, Professor of History and Marvel comics at Oxford University.

“It is easy to scoff, but take the Incredible Hulk. For many people, it is not unreasonable to think that a cocktail of chemicals could turn a man into a horrifying rage-fuelled monster – one only has to look at Charlie Sheen.”

“But tell people there was a time when many British people could speak three or four languages and the idea seems so alien, so absurd that it’s not hard to understand why people don’t accept it.”

The ramifications of the study are no being discussed in the highest echelons.

Some people believe the study is a clear signpost that we need to improve the quality of medieval history taught in schools

Whilst others believe the sensible course of action is to abandon the study of medieval history completely in favour of a comprehensive syllabus on the history and achievements of the Marvel Universe