Big screen version of Bake Off collapses after introduction of CGI dinosaur

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The movie version of The Great British Bake Off has failed after the producers of the original show refused to adhere to Hollywood executive demands that CGI be utilised in the final round.

Original Bake Off producer Meryl Bruckheimer said, “The beauty of the TV show was the mild peril that you didn’t know exactly what was going to happen, and the graceful, showstopping art that was created with what was essentially 100% sugar.

“They watched every show so far and decided that not one of those was good enough, then brought in some CGI specialists to ‘big-up’ the cakes.

“One of mock-ups they showed us was actually a moving T-Rex that ate all the other cakes!

“As I clearly stated to my original show production colleagues when this opportunity rose, this was doomed to be a collapsed baked alaska from the off.

“There were many, many problems surrounding this whole attempted transfer to the big screen.  It was in no way just down to the ridiculous executives’ ridiculous CGI demands.

“First of all there was a major falling out in the leads after Mel (Tom Cruise) and Sue (Bradley Cooper) can’t agree on how to describe a flan (Simon Pegg).

“Then the executives demanded that this week’s technical challenge be instead replaced by a drag race between Charlize Theron and The Rock.

“Finally, and perhaps worst of all their myriad appalling suggestions, they suggested that the part of Paul Hollywood be played by Paul Hollywood.  And that was breaking point for us, I’m afraid.”

Option rights for Great British Bake Off: The Movie will now transfer for a overly substantial sum to a new production company with much less esteem.

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