It’s the weekend, and as the BBC refuse to bring back Noel Edmunds’ Multi-coloured Swap Shop, no matter how vociferous my letters, you may as well watch some of these ‘great’ films.
Friday
Angels and Demons 5* 21.00
Second in classic trilogy of Tom Hanks films in which he and his mullet running around a pretty European city explaining things to a sexy but confused-looking lady.
Terminator Genisys E4 21.00
A relentless killing machine comes back from the future to punish film-makers for their terrible spelling.
Drive Sony Movies 10.55
One of the Ryans is grumpy in a car while Jean-Michel Jarre plays constantly.
Saturday
Sicario 2: Soldada Channel 4 21.30
More crazy larks as wacky mismatched gang travel to Mexico, get in scrapes and learn valuable lessons.
Some dismemberment.
Zero Dark Thirty ITV5 23.45
Americans shout at foreigners until terrorism stops.
Jurassic World ITV 17.15
Giant lizards get cross and eat everyone. Woman wears controversial shoes throughout.
Sunday
Sherlock Gnomes 5* 15.10
From the people who brought you Gnomeo and Juliet. If you’re reading, how about Antigon-gnome for your next one? You’re welcome.
Shout out to anyone in an amateur dramatic production of Antigone. There’ll be someone.
Frozen BBC1 14.50
The adventures of some cold women. If you weren’t singing ‘Let it go’ when you saw the film title, you are now.
Star Trek: Into Darkness Film4 21.00
Han Solo and Doctor Spock battle to save the Ring of Gondor from Harry Potter’s horcrux.
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