91% of adverts mental, finds study

A study has found that 91% of all adverts are completely mental.

Only a handful of adverts for hats and cheese are currently not mental, but could well become mental at any time.

“I think we expected to see a reasonably high instance of adverts being mental,” said Anne Bale, Professor of Mental Things at Oxford University.

“But the sheer proportion of mental adverts was a shock.

“There’s adverts for huge dystopian gambling nightmares where bland men battle with other bland men on their phones.

“Talking pigs playing video games on the moon.

“The horrific appropriation of classic, much loved films to sell people the idea that banks aren’t total bastards.

“Tap-dancing cats, cowboys down the pub, a Canadian Mountie shouting at people in a hotel, everyone talking like they’re in Toast of London, and far too much David Mitchell for any normal human being to reasonably cope with.

Professor Bale went on to explain that there have always been mental adverts.

“Oh yes, the Hoffmeister bear, those TDK adverts with the man in the chair and any perfume advert, ever.

“But the sheer number of mental adverts in this survey has definitely come as a shock.”

The survey presents the terrifying prospect of all adverts being mental within a year or so and that can only lead to the bizarre conclusion that people enjoy them.

The study only applies to UK adverts as, in the US, they call adverts ‘commercials,’ and would, therefore, struggle to comprehend the intent of the study.