It’s the weekend! Why not distract yourself from the grinding misery of existence by drinking yourself into a stupor and passing out in front of these films.
Friday
Zodiac BBC1 23.25
Donnie Darko teams up with Iron Man and the Hulk to not solve some murders
Casino Royale ITV 23.05
Don’t worry if you miss it, it’ll be on tomorrow afternoon then twice on Sunday and at least once during the week. Do ITV not have access to any other films?
Get Out Film4 00.55 (Actually, I think this is tomorrow. Please address all complaints to usual address)
Man goes to party. Is told to get out. Doesn’t get out. Has to impale man with stag’s head. Should have got out when he was told.
Saturday
It ITV2 21.00
Horrible children try to ruin everyone’s fun by killing a clown.
Pompeii AMC 19.00
John Snow (Not Channel 4 news, Game of Thrones) moons about looking grumpy in front of special effects that look like someone made them on their phone.
Halloween Film4 22.55
Horrible teenagers have sex in other people’s beds. Rightly slaughtered.
Sunday
Star Trek E4 18.30
Han Solo and Doctor Spock battle to save the Ring of Gondor from Harry Potter’s horcrux.
Sister Act GREAT! Moives 14.35
Nuns on the Run with better tunes.
The Magnificent Seven Paramount Network 21.00
Classic cowboy larks that was remade as cheap overlong samurai nonsense. Watch this 2016 original instead.
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