Film fans have been left reeling by the news that The Terminator, Unforgiven and Toy Story 3 are all actually secretly woke.
“People are going to be shocked and worried at this news,” said Stewart James, Professor of Woke and Wokery at London’s prestigious Oxford University.
“These are films that normal people have enjoyed normally for many, many years. The assumption would have been that they were normal films. To find out now, that they are woke is going to be troubling.”
The obvious fear that people will have is that they will have turned woke just by watching the films.
“We understand that many people are worried about this and I wish I could be more reassuring, but the fact is that we simply don’t know how people become woke. Science just hasn’t advanced that far yet,” said a sympathetic Professor James.
“It might be to do with what you eat, the people you associate with or, yes, it might well be films and television you watch.”
The professor advised people not to panic.
“Stay calm. Monitor yourself. I would imagine that, if nothing has happened yet in terms of you turning woke, then it probably won’t suddenly happen now. But be alert, if you do find yourself exhibiting signs of wokeness then seek medical advice at the earliest opportunity.”
Currently, only The Terminator, Unforgiven and Toy Story 3 have been found to be secretly woke, but Professor James and his team are proactively looking at other films.
“As yet, there’s nothing for anyone to worry about. Although, we are running further tests on both Logan and The Seventh Seal and current advice would be to approach both of these with caution.”
Be the first to comment