New podcast to re-examine 1974 case of spangles shoplifted from Chelmsford Woolworths

A major new podcast is to re-examine a 1974 case of shoplifting, in which a packet of spangles was taken from the Chelmsford branch of Woolworths.

The theft happened on the morning of September 17^th and the case was closed by lunchtime when seven-year-old Billy Dustbin was given a clip round the ear by local policeman Norman Davis and told to pay Woolworths for the spangles.

It seemed to be an open-and-shut case, but was it?

“I distinctly heard a Russian accent in the precinct that morning,” said one witness.

“Billy preferred Opal Fruits,” said a friend of the supposed criminal.

“Spangles were considered a delicacy in some parts of the world,” said a professor of Spangles at Oxford University.

The presenter of the podcast is softly-spoken New Yorker Jerry Quietvoice.

“In the 1970s, there were a million packets of Spangles stolen from a million branches of Woolworths by a million little boys.”

“What makes this case so interesting?”

“Well, over the course of 2694 episodes we’ll be forensically re-examining all aspects of the case, from the uneven mix of flavours in this particular packet of Spangles to Billy Dustbin’s connections to the American military.

“We carbon-date a Spangle wrapper, thought to be a podcast first, we interview everyone involved in the case, from PC Davis’ grandson’s best friend, to Leonard Breshnev’s cleaner, and we meticulously recreate the Chelmsford branch of Woolworths to re-enact the so-called crime.”

“Join me, as I set about to conclusively prove whether or not the 1974 Chelmsford Spangles theft was perpetrated by Russian Spangle-smugglers in an attempt to embarrass the American military whilst drawing some unconvincing parallels to Trump’s Presidency and talking in a very soft voice.”

‘Crime: a Spangles story,’ is available on ITunes and other podcatchers, and will feature interminable adverts for mattresses and shaving.