Hottest nightclub in town just a cellar with a pierced girl in her pants dancing on an old oil drum to Nine Inch Nails

There was disappointment when it was discovered that the hottest nightclub in town is actually just a cellar with graffiti on the walls with a surly DJ playing a Nine Inch Nails CD whilst a miserable pierced girl in her pants dances on an upturned oil drum under a strobe light.

“I was led to believe that the nightclub was meant to be edgy,” said Judd McCarthy, who was visiting his firm’s office in the town and was taken to the nightclub by a colleague.

“It wasn’t edgy, it just smelt faintly of urine.

“My ears still hurt from the volume at which the DJ played his Nine Inch Nails. Also, Nine Inch Nails? It’s 2018? Who still plays Nine Inch Nails in 2018?”

Mr McCarthy had a similar experience visiting a different branch of his firm.

“That was almost as bad. The most exclusive nightclub in that town? Just a bunch of old men in suits sat with miserable looking girlfriends whilst a DJ played Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music under a strobe light.

“There was a queue to get in as well!

“Why is the hottest nightclub in town never just a nice place playing good music and everyone just a nice time?”

It is understood that, on his next business trip, Mr McCarthy will refuse to visit the hottest nightclub in town; an empty car park full of half-naked punks dancing to the Dropkick Murphys and having pilled-up sex in the toilets.

Under a strobe light.